Hi everyone, I'm Yuxian from Nissi Knights and I'm here to share about how God have changed my life.

I come from a family who places alot of importance on money. My parents would raise my 2 siblings and myself to do well in our studies, so that we can secure good jobs in the future. My family also believes in using "Spartan education", so I will receive a lot of caning and scolding whenever I didn't do well in tests and exams. Displaying negative emotions like sadness and anger are also now allowed in my family. So the more I cry the more I get caned. I would receive verbal insults like "I don't belong to my family", "that I was picked up from the trash/an accident" and my parents would tell me that they love my siblings more then me.

I wasn't in a good relationship with my family, my dad used to tell me what a failure I am, I don't talk to my brother and my mom and sister took control of most of my life. They would decide on every decisions of my life. They would disapprove any friends I make and they don't allow me to spend time with my friends, thus I must rush home everyday after school.

So to survive in this family, I learnt to be the quiet and obedient child. In the eyes of my family, I'm never good enough, a weakling, a fearful crybaby. Eventually, due to my over obedience, I also become a target to let my family vent their unhappiness.

Deep inside I begin to develop this hatred towards my family. I hate my mother's and sister's constant caning and control and I hate my father and brothers neglectance. During my secondary school years, I spend every night planning on how to murder my family, I spend endless nights crying myself to sleep. I became a very morbid, suicidal and grumpy person.

God created me to have an overpowering sense of imagination and creativity, I will imagine myself to be in my own fantasy land where I am the lead character and I take control. I eventually begin to let my imagination to take life. I begin to see 6 different imaginary friends, the first is an athelete who is smart, second is a playboy who is a glib talker, third a popular kid who is nice everyone, fourth an angry vulgar punk, fifth a gentle brotherly figure, lastly a man with a 6 years old mentality.

Each of them took a form of someone I wish to be. These friends have a few common triats, they love me despite I'm a nobody, they all are successful and they hate their family, they are godless people who hates god for bringing us to life to suffer. So these friends are customized to suit me and provide the love my family couldn't

These friends begin to take a life of their own and they became a major part in my life. I would converse with them, they would teach me math, cheer me on when I'm running 2.4km. I became obsessed with them. Slowly, I begin to pick up habits from these friends, I think like them and talk like them.

During Sundays, my family are all away from home and I'm alone. I would enjoy Sundays gorging myself with loads of food and imagine myself to dine with these friends. There are times where I eat 7 person's serving worth of food a day and eat even more when I feel depress. Some of them begin to advice me to run away ditching my family when I become successful. Some told me to murder my family to vent this anger and sadness. Some are there just to let me indulge in my own depression.

I was wasting my life away until I've meet God 3 years ago when my part time job friend brought me to Christ. Knowing God exposed to me a whole new different type of love. I begin to experience true love from my life group, for the first time in my life, I felt accepted. God revealed to me that deep inside, these "love and companionship" that my imaginary friends provide couldn't satisfy that love I'm looking for, its a love only God can provide. A love that forgives and doesn't harm me or others, a love that is pure.

Don't get me wrong, things never change instantly after I've receive Christ into my life. But God showed how to live my life correctly. He showed me the consequences of sin slowly and showed me that some of my habits are wrong and harmful. The changing process is slow. From a boy who have 0 sense of worth to a boy who now sees himself as a child of God.

God begin to teach me how to love and forgive my family. I learn to pray for them and God slowly answers my prayers. My relationship with my sister and mother is much better then previously. Recently, once a while, my mum would initiate light hearted conversations with me. Its might not seem like a big thing to you all, but my mum had never talk to me like this in my life before. Slowly, I begin to love my family now and praise God, I've never had a murderous intent for my family for the past 2-3 years.

Now that I've experience God's love, I tried to avoid my "imaginary friends" at home. But through one of pastor's sermon last year, God revealed to me that I need to expose my past to light. I've hide this secret past from my life group who loves me because I'm afriad to be looked at differently by my life group members. But everything changed when God gave me the courage one Saturday to consult pastor about my past and my eating disorder and He arranged a prayer session for me with a few leaders.

God revealed to me that my imaginary friends turn out to be just like my family. After the arrangement was made and just before the session, my imaginary friends turned against me. They begin to insult and threatened me that night. But after that night of prayer, God broke my chains away from these "friends", till now I've never sense their presence again. I begin to learn to kick away my habits of addiction of porn with the help of my life group members and I've learn to eat normal. Due to the heavy influence of these bad habits, the process of changing was really tough and I fell from time to time. But God never give me up. He never did. In fact, he have made greater plans for my life.

Due to my "over active" imagination, one of my biggest ambitions is to learn animation, but my parents always object me pursuing arts because they believe it wouldn't earn money. But God never let this dream die. During the sermon, "the day the sun stood still", I was given a piece of yellow paper to write my bold prayers. This is what I wrote down, "I want to start up the very first Christian animation studio in Singapore for God." 2 weeks later, I was told to make a video for Pastor's birthday, which eventually leads to me serving now in word aid and impact live. I am still amazed by how God turned my life around, my imagination and creativity was no longer used to bring myself harm but God used it for his purpose.

I believe that if we really trust our life to God. God will surely bless all of us for his great purpose :) Thank you.

Yuxian.